she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think your dad took our porno
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
