My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
