So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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