She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
