tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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