My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
