I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
