I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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