this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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