We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
