If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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