Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
