I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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