he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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