sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
