Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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