got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
