I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
