Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
