I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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