Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
