Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize