No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
