He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
