No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
