my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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