You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
