I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize