you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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