i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
