Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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