There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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