Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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