Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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