he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
