for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
