I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize