I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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