how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
