Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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