I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
