Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
