4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
