I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
