my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who died my cat blue again?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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