Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
