Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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