They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize