Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
