So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
