Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
