no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
