Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
