i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
someone owes me an orgasm
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
