party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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