I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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