my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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