I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
