Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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