I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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