It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
