You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
