I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
