i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
