He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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