I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
